Talk to me
by paarma
Summary: Roxy is devastated after her mentor's death. She's not yet ready to talk about it though, so she turns to Eggsy in a effort to find some comfort...in his bed.
1. Chapter 1

Roxy's brain was in a haze when she finally knocked on his door at 01.30 in the morning. She had spent the last two days crying, her brain going at a million miles per hour as she tried to process the news. Indeed, she'd never imagined that Percival's death would hit her so hard. She felt like she'd gone through all the five stages of grief over and over again in the past 48 hours; denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. But every time she thought she had finally reached the 5th stage, she went back to anger or disbelief. By now Roxy was mentally exhausted, and she desperately needed someone to talk to about it. She had stayed in her room at the Kingsman quarters, waiting for Eggsy to return from his mission. As soon as she'd heard he'd come back, she'd wandered to his door in her sleep shirt, face pale with dark circles under her puffy eyes.

She was about to knock again when Eggsy opened the door, giving her a puzzled look. He was wearing a white undershirt and black boxers, his hair still slightly damp after having taken a shower.

''Hey Rox, what are you still doing up?'' He asked, surprise in his voice.

He didn't know. He had just come back from a mission and Merlin hadn't told him yet. Normally, all Kingsman agents were briefed immediately after a fellow agent's death. However, the organization was currently experiencing internal issues, most which had to do with the debate about who should officially become the next Arthur. Almost a year had gone by since Valentine's failed world-wide massacre, and in the messy aftermath Merlin had taken over as head of Kingsman. After all, he was the longest-serving member alive after Galahad had died. However, as some agents who opposed Merlin had pointed out, this arrangement was supposed to be only temporary, and now it was time to take a vote and officially choose a new Arthur. The issue was, Merlin suspected there were still 'rotten apples' in the Kingsman lines; old associates of Valentine who, unlike Arthur, had survived V-day. Until all members had been thoroughly investigated, Merlin (and those agents who supported him) had refused to organize a vote. Percival had, of course, supported Merlin, and news of his death could potentially aggravate the already difficult situation. The last thing Merlin needed was giving someone yet another reason to question his leadership. He had decided to wait for two days, just until they finished investigating all Kingsman agents.

Roxy knew about Percival's death because she'd been monitoring the operation together with Merlin when a hand grenade had ripped her mentor to pieces in the middle of the Saharan desert. They'd both sat in front of the monitor for a while in complete silence, too horrified to say anything. Merlin had been the first one to speak, his voice barely a whisper. He'd asked Roxy to wait the two days before telling anyone about Percival's death, and she'd agreed with a quiet nod, devastated and tears running down her cheeks.

And now she was standing there, looking at her friend and fellow agent in the eye, ready to tell him everything about what had happened to Percival, ready to pour her grief onto him, to open her heart...

She couldn't do it.

Instead, she did something that surprised them both. Placing both her hands on Eggsy's chest, she pushed him back into his room, closing the door behind her with a light kick.

''Roxy what are y…''

Eggsy couldn't finish the sentence, as Roxy had already buried her hands in his hair and pulled him down for an intense kiss. Eggsy tensed for a moment, but he didn't pull back. After a brief moment of confusion, he relaxed, and found himself kissing her back, cupping her face with his hands. The passionate kiss went on for a while, until Roxy's hand reached down to tug at his shirt.

''Hold on, Rox, what's going on?''

Eggsy had placed his hands on Roxy's shoulders and pulled back, a frown on his face. Normally Eggsy would rather bang his head against a concrete wall than interrupt a kiss with a beautiful woman, but the situation felt strange. There had always been chemistry between him and Roxy, and Eggsy knew she could feel it too. It was just a matter of time before they fell into each other's arms. The past year had been very intense with them trying to piece the organization back together, but Eggsy knew it would eventually happen.

Intimate relationships between Kingsman agents were not technically prohibited, but they were generally frowned upon. This was a dangerous job, and getting feelings involved could jeopardize a mission. This had partly discouraged Eggsy from making a move on Roxy, at least until the situation had been stabilized. However, as he now stared down at his friend and fellow agent with whom he'd just shared the most passionate kiss of his life, a kiss he'd been waiting for a long time, he could not help but suspect something was wrong.

''I'm serious, Rox, what's going on? You look upset'' His hands were still placed firmly on her shoulders, and he leaned in to take a closer look at her face, slightly narrowing his eyes. He'd just come back from a mission in Belfast about half an hour ago, and he was about to go to bed when he'd heard a knock at the door. He'd been surprised to find her standing there in her night shirt, eyes slightly puffy and hair mussed. She looked beautiful as always, but there was something off about her expression, a mix of sadness and confusion. His room was dark, so he couldn't see her face too well. Roxy was good at hiding her emotions, after all, she was a Kingsman agent. It bothered him that she had to do that with him too.

Roxy blinked for a moment, slightly taken aback, and quickly dropped her gaze to her feet. Her brain was still in a fog. For a split second she thought about telling him everything…

Again, she couldn't do it.

It was as if her tongue was broken, and all the words and all the grief were stuck somewhere deep in her throat. She couldn't talk about it, she didn't want to think about it. Not now.

Roxy closed her eyes for a moment. She needed this break tonight, and Eggsy was going to give it to her. When she lifted her head back up to look at him, she was already wearing her 'mask'. With a small pout on her lips and hooded eyes, she had now entered her seductress-persona, the one she used on honey-pot missions whenever she had to seduce dangerous criminals or corrupt politicians. Roxy was extremely good at it; it always looked casual and effortless; genuine. But unlike with all the other men, this time it was genuine. She really wanted Eggsy tonight, right now, on his bed. So she wouldn't have to think. So her mind could rest while her body worked. If in order to get that she had to become someone else, so be it. She tilted her head ever so slightly, a smile curling on her lips.

''The only thing that is wrong is that you've made me wait for so long, Eggsy. I know I'm not the only one who can feel the electricity between us…'' Roxy gazed at him through hooded eyes, her voice like caramel and honey. She placed one hand on his strong chest, and another one on his cheek; softly, gently. She leaned a little bit closer, so she could whisper in his ear.

''Ever since you left for your mission in Belfast I haven't been able to think about anything but you...I couldn't sleep…That's why I look so upset. When I heard you'd come back, how could I just stay in my room?'' The lies rolled off her tongue like liquid velvet.

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Eggsy wasn't stupid. He was an experienced agent, top-of-the-class-material just like Roxy. He could easily read body language and he could definitely tell when someone was trying to bullshit him. And yet, he couldn't stop himself from falling for her words. It was as if his brain had suddenly become mushy…or maybe it had exited his head altogether. Point was, he was half hypnotized by her words and her body language, by those fingertips gently caressing his neck, by those beautiful curves under her light-blue sleep shirt. If Harry could have seen him now he would definitely have smacked him upside the head, hard. Falling like that for some 101 honey-pot seduction tricks even a toddler could spot! What a bloody disgrace.

But then again, this wasn't just any pretty lady whispering in his ear and raking her fingers down his chest. This was Roxy. And Roxy was pretty damn special...

She had now taken a step back, removing herself from Eggsy's grip. For a moment he panicked, thinking she was leaving because he had broken their kiss.

But Roxy wasn't going anywhere. Instead, with swaying hips she walked to the big desk by the window, and sat on it with her legs folded. With a swift gesture, her right hand cleaned the table of a bunch of papers and books Eggsy had there lying around. Without breaking eye-contact with him, she reached down to slowly pull her sleep shirt over herself.

If the rational side of Eggsy's brain hadn't been shut off yet, now it certainly was. All he could focus on was the light pink bra and matching undies. Her mussed hair looked wild under the moonlight seeping in through the window, and there was a spark in her deep green eyes.

''What are you waiting for, agent Galahad?'', she purred, eyes full of challenge and a mischievous grin on her lips as she slowly unfolded her legs.

After a brief staring contest, Eggsy narrowed his eyes, a serious expression on his face. He took a couple of quick steps to the desk, and with strong hands he grabbed Roxy's hips and pulled her closer to the edge of the table, situating himself between her legs. This took Roxy by surprise, and she momentarily lost her balance, falling backwards so that she was now lying on the desk, her thighs strapped around Eggsy's waist. After regaining her composure, she looked up at Eggsy, who was now removing his white t-shirt. Looking at his defined abs, Roxy noticed she was lightly panting. She reached up to rake her nails down his chest all the way down to his happy trail, making him hiss between his teeth. She could feel his strong muscles twitching under her fingertips, filling her with excitement.

Roxy couldn't get enough of him, running her curious hands over every bit of skin she found. She'd always known Eggsy was gorgeous, but catching a glimpse of bare skin in the sparring room was completely different from actually having said body right there on top of her. She felt intoxicated as Eggsy's strong hands caressed her neck, her breasts, her thighs, exploring every inch of her, just as she did with him. He was still standing by the desk, so he bent over to gently run his teeth across her lower abdomen, making the muscles of her belly tense. Roxy whimpered, her hands firmly gripping his hair. She tried her hardest to control herself when Eggsy's tongue started exploring her, but her hips started to come off the table. Eggsy swiftly grabbed them with his hands, securing them on the edge of the desk, never once removing his head from between her thighs.

After climaxing, Eggsy's collapsed on top of her, burying his head in the scent of her neck. Roxy gently ran her fingers through his hair as they both slowly cached their breath again. They laid on the desk for a while, listening to each others heartbeats.

But eventually, Roxy's satisfied humming was interrupted by the memory of Percival's death, grief and anxiety slowly creeping back into her mind. A dark cloud was hovering over her head once again.

Eggsy was happily resting against Roxy's neck when he noticed her growing tense under him. Did he do something wrong? He lifted his head and gave her a questioning look.

''You allright, Rox?'' Eggsy gently placed his right hand on her blushed cheek, stroking it lightly.

Roxy looked at the worried expression on the young man's face, and she felt guilty. She gave him a small smile, trying to push the dark cloud aside.

''Yeah I'm fine, you're just heavy, Eggs. You've put on a lot of muscle this past year'' She tried to sound flirtatious, giving out a little laugh, but it didn't come out too convincing. Her smile immediately dropped when Eggsy started removing himself from her.

''Shit, sorry Rox. I didn't mean to hurt ya''

She could have screamed at that moment. There was nothing she loved more than having a beautiful man lie on top of her after sex. His closeness and warmth consoled her, even if they couldn't take her pain away. Roxy quickly sat up on the desk and placed a hand on his shoulder, afraid he'd leave.

''No, Eggsy, you didn't hurt me at all I just…''

The cloud was preventing her from thinking again. She was sitting on the desk half-paralyzed, Eggsy standing in front of her, trying to figure out what was going on.

''Seriously, Roxy, what the heck is going o-'' A feeling of worry was creeping back into Eggsy's mind now that his brain was starting to kick back in. He was about to question her again when his cellphone lit up and Merlin's voice echoed in the bedroom.

''Galahad, are you still up? I'm afraid I must deliver terrible news about Percival…''


	2. Chapter 2

''Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?''

''I don't want to talk about it'' She said, breathlessly, as she pushed him onto the couch.

Eggsy was starting to worry. It had been over two weeks since he'd found out about Percival's death, and Roxy had dodged every attempt he'd made to discuss the matter. What made it even more difficult was that every time he tried to bring it up, somehow it all always ended in Roxy dragging him into a room and screwing his brains out. Eggsy had nothing against that; the sex was great, Roxy was great, it was every lads dream to be honest. But still, fucking could not be the healthiest way to process someone's death.

Roxy was now straddling him, kissing him passionately and unbuttoning his shirt. Eggsy kept one hand tightly squeezed around her arse and the other one buried deep in her brown locks. Roxy helped him remove his shirt and started laying a trail of kisses starting from his neck and going all the way down to his stomach. As a gasp escaped his mouth, Eggsy thought about how he honestly hadn't planned for this encounter to end like this (again).

He had called her two hours ago and told her they seriously, honestly, really needed to discuss the elephant in the room. Roxy had been there for him when Harry died, staying up all night with him when he couldn't sleep, just talking, talking, talking endlessly until they both fell asleep on his bedroom floor. Now it was Eggsy's turn to be there for her. Every time they met at the headquarters he could see the dark circles under her eyes from her insomnia. Roxy seemed distracted a lot of the time, as if she was miles away instead of right there next to him. Only when they had sex did Eggsy truly feel her close. A spark would return to her eyes and her pale cheeks would flush. She would desperately cling to him, trying to pull him as close as possible, kissing him and whispering his name between soft moans.

Roxy had agreed to meet him at her house that morning. Eggsy had gone there with the full intent of not sleeping with her. Yet, the moment she'd opened the door and he'd seen her lean against the doorframe in that light, black wrap dress, showing a generous amount of cleavage, he'd barely managed to get a word out of his mouth.

''So...you came to talk?'' She looked at her bare feet, playing coy, a sheepish smile on her lips.

''Yeah…Rox. Really, it's been over two weeks and…''

She raised her head to look him straight in the eye. Eggsy kept talking as she slowly took a step forward and placed one hand on his chest. He kept talking as she raised her other hand to gently stroke the hair at the back of his neck. She did not once stop looking at him with her deep green eyes as he continued with his monologue, which was becoming increasingly incoherent and nervous.

Eggsy was finding it hard to concentrate at this point. He was once again starting to get lost in those beautiful green eyes. Why did she have this effect on him? Eggsy didn't believe in sorcery, but the pull she had on him was out of this world. She knew exactly what to do, what to say, in order to turn him into an eager little puppy in her hands, ready to please in every way. He was glad Jamal and Ryan were not here to witness this shit; he would never hear the end of it.

The next thing he knew they were on her living room couch. Roxy's soft moans were driving him mad as she rode him. He could feel her getting close, so Eggsy slipped one hand between her thighs to tip her over the edge. He loved to watch her unravel, to let go so completely all while screaming his name. She laid down on top of him, her head buried in his neck and panting. Eggsy grinned and kissed her head.

''You know luv I'm not done yet''

She let out a little laugh and her hot breath against his neck made Eggsy shudder.

''Neither am I'', she smirked, lifting her head from his neck and kissing him passionately.

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Thoughts about Percival's death were hard to keep at bay, but keeping oneself busy helped. That's why Roxy had decided to immerse herself in her job as a Kingsman agent. She spent long hours doing paperwork, and she often volunteered for extra missions. Sleeping with Eggsy helped too, he was a wonderful distraction. It did bother her though that he was always trying to get her to talk about Percival. She just wasn't ready to go there yet.

To those who didn't know him well, Percival might have seemed like a cold, distant man. (To be fair, that's how all Kingsman agents seemed to her). However, beneath that icy exterior there was an intelligent, kind, loyal man. A good man, something Roxy couldn't say about most men she knew. To Roxy, he was the first person who had seen her worth, the first one to give her a chance. When he had visited her at the cadet academy to recruit her, Roxy thought there must have been some kind of mistake. No one there had paid any attention to her before; her superiors ignored her most of the time, unless they wanted to make some gross remark about her body. Most of the male cadets were quite hostile towards her and seemed to resent her because she performed better than most of them. That's why she'd been so surprised by Percival's genuine interest and the offer to join Kingsman.

And now he was gone. Forever. How did they expect her to process something so massive? How the hell did Eggsy survive what happened to Harry? Roxy had done her best to be there for Eggsy when he was grieving his mentor's death. Truth was, that had been completely uncharted territory for her. She'd never consoled anyone after such a devastating event. Roxy had never really consoled anyone, ever. She'd almost panicked when one afternoon after V-day she'd seen Eggsy quietly sobbing in his room. She'd gone there to deliver him some of the paperwork they had to fill after their latest mission. He'd opened the door with red, puffy eyes, the saddest look on his face. The sight had made Roxy feel like someone had closed a huge fist around her heart, tight. It might sound cruel, but honestly, Roxy would much rather have dealt with a gang of mobsters armed to their teeth than someone's pain. Now that was terrifying stuff.

They had sat on his bed and she'd placed a hand on his shoulder (that's what they always did in the movies, right?) and she'd listened. For hours. She thought Eggsy had made the whole consoling thing quite easy for her. He just talked and talked and talked and she only had to listen, asking some questions here and there, nodding sympathetically. She would also bring him tea and snacks in the middle of the day; make sure he ate something. They were little things, but he seemed to appreciate them.

The other Kingsman agents had given her their condolences once Merlin had informed them of Percival's death. Roxy could not stand the looks of pity on their faces (it was actually sympathy, but for Roxy those things were all one and the same). Even Merlin had sat her down and asked how she was doing. She'd just told him what he wanted to hear, that she was still processing stuff but she would be fine in a couple of weeks, no need to worry. Merlin told her that Kingsman provided counseling, and that if things ever got too hard she could see a psychiatrist. Roxy had politely nodded and promised she'd think about it. Honestly though, she really didn't have time for hand holding and long, teary conversations. She just wanted to get over the whole thing as quickly as possible. She would fake it till she made it.

Where Roxy came from, people 'dealt' with their grief on their own, in private. Meaning; they'd bottle up their pain until it eventually manifested in resentment and bitterness, passive-aggressiveness and violent outbursts, or perhaps a drinking problem. When Roxy's young cousin had unexpectedly died at the age of six, she hadn't seen anyone in her family shed a tear, except her aunt, the boy's mother, who'd hysterically cried at her son's funeral. Everyone had tried to 'console' her, but to little Roxy it had seemed more like they were scolding her for being so sad and 'out of control' (Pull yourself together Elizabeth-Calm down-That's enough). Roxy's father had spent his 'mourning period' locked in his home office, working on the endless stack of paperwork on his desk. Her mother on the other hand would quietly sit in the armchair by the fireplace, book in one hand and a tall glass of brandy in the other. When 5-year-old Roxy wouldn't stop asking questions about what had happened to her playmate, her mother had given her a sharp, cold look and told her to go play in the garden. Roxy had never brought up the matter again, and neither had anyone else in the family.

All those memories were easier to push aside with sex. She'd always used sex as a distraction; adrenaline made everything better. And that's why she had also volunteered for many high-risk missions in the past week, something which had upset Eggsy. A lot.

Roxy was currently limping around her bedroom with her crutches, trying to look for her mission report.

''You have a black eye and a broken knee, what will be next time?'' Eggsy was standing by the door, trying to remain calm and not let his emotions show.

Roxy rolled her eyes ''It's not fractured, Eggsy, it's just a tear in the ligament. Agents get hurt all the time.''

He snorted. ''You think I'm overreacting, don't ya? Well I think someone has to. What the fuck is Merlin thinking, giving you all these dangerous missions?'' He raised his voice just a little, but he wanted to scream. He was so mad at her for doing this to herself, for intentionally putting herself in harm's way.

Roxy turned around to look at him with a serious expression ''I'm perfectly capable of handling those missions, Eggsy.''

''I know you are, Rox, but right now your head isn't in the right place, everyone can see that. You are still grieving Percival and accepting these dangerous missions isn't gonna help you with that.''

''Who do you think you are to tell me how to process stuff?'' Her tone wasn't as scolding as it was teasing; the smirk on her lips gave it away. ''You didn't complain last week when I got on my knees in Merlin's office…''

Eggsy's cheeks flushed furiously ''That...is different. No one can die during sex.'' Although he might as well have died that afternoon, mind blowing as it was.

His mind went back to last Monday when Merlin had given him a big stack of unfinished paperwork and told him not to leave his office until he was done. He had left Eggsy there alone, sulking and gritting his teeth. He absolutely loathed paperwork. About an hour later when he had just about finished writing his first report (he'd taken his time), Roxy had walked in looking for Merlin. Eggsy had immediately seen the look of mischief in her eyes when he'd told her Merlin would be gone for a while. He hadn't tried to stop her when she'd slowly walked to him and gotten down to her knees to unbuckle his belt. And he damn sure hadn't stopped her when she'd wrapped a hot pair of lips around his cock either...

Yeah…okay...he was full of shit, he admitted that much. He had obviously benefited a lot from Roxy's way of 'processing' her shit but…that didn't mean he wasn't allowed to worry or call her out when things started to get dangerous.

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Roxy grinned as she watched crimson spread on Eggsy's face. That had been one great afternoon. She'd been looking for Merlin to ask him about her next mission when instead she'd found Eggsy sitting in his office chair writing a report, clearly in a rotten mood. She'd seen that as a bit of a challenge, to smooth that deep frown on his pretty face. Roxy had loved how he'd groaned and cursed under his breath when she was bobbing her head in his lap…and after that Eggsy had been eager to return the favour, of course. At the end he probably hadn't gotten too much paperwork done, but at least he was in a better mood (as was she).

Roxy stared at him for a moment, looking pensive.

''You think I've been sleeping with you just because that's how I 'deal' with things..?'' She slowly limped closer to him (it probably didn't look as seductive as she had wanted it to).

''I've been sleeping with you because I really like you, Eggsy. And yeah, it also helps me take my mind off things. Big deal''. She let one of her crutches lean against the wall and she placed her right hand on his flushed cheek.

''You're burning up love…'' Tilting her head, she reached up to kiss him.

She winced at the sharp pain in her knee, letting out a small yelp.

''Rox, it's better if we wait…''

''It's okay, we can do this'' She said, kissing his neck and trying to unbutton his shirt with her free hand.

''Rox, you're crying''

''What are you talking about? No I'm not''

She was, actually. Tears were rolling down her cheeks and she hadn't even noticed.

''Oh…''


	3. Chapter 3

Roxy had agreed to let him spoon her. They'd lied down on her bed in silence, Eggsy's head buried in the back of her neck. His arms were wrapped around her waist, his thumb gently stroking the exposed skin between her yoga pants and her t-shirt.

Roxy was not crying anymore, and she felt a bit better. She was anxious, though. Was this it? Was she now finally expected to open her heart and let it all out?

''I don't know how to talk about it'' she blurted.

''S'okay'' He kissed her neck.

They laid there for a minute before Roxy turned around in the bed to face him.

''How do you talk about it?'' She asked, looking at him with red, puffy eyes.

Eggsy frowned a bit, scratching his head.

''I dunno, Rox. How do you feel right now, this moment?''

''Stupid''

Eggsy scoffed ''Really, is that all you're feeling right now?''

She reached to grab his kingsman medallion, turning it around in her hand, not daring to look at him. She was quiet for a moment before whispering her words.

''And I also feel sad, of course, and angry because he's gone forever, and helpless because there was nothing I could do to stop it, and so, so stupid because I can't just get over it''

Eggsy reached to tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

''Do you think I got over Harry's death?''

The question made her frown ''Well…you seem all right…''

He grinned ''Yeah, I am all right, most of the time, because I've got great friends who've helped me and whom I know will be there for me on the days when I'm not all right.''

She kept playing with the medallion, not knowing what to say.

''I've learned to deal with it, but I don't think these are things you can get over, Rox, at least not completely. But I'm here to listen and help you in every way I can, if you let me. ''

She gave the medallion one last tug ''Let's go out for a walk''.

And off they went, and they slowly walked all the way to the London eye, even though Eggsy thinks she shouldn't because of her knee. Roxy insists that exercising helps her clear her head. She wants to pretend they are tourists, so they do all the tourist stuff they can think of. They finally sit down in Hyde Park with an ice cream cone in their hands, and she slowly starts to talk. Nothing personal at first, just recalling what had happened that fateful day. The explosion, the monitor beeping, Merlin's horrified face. Not too much talk about feelings, just facts, facts are safe. The next day Eggsy brings her take out and she tells him about her little cousin. Again, just the facts, but this time the way she tells the story is a bit more personal, more raw, and less detached.

He visits her every day for a month. She's still on medical leave because of her injuries, and together they do their best to pass the time. They don't always talk about what happened, sometimes they just lie on the sofa with Roxy's head resting on Eggsy's lap as they watch yet another season of Criminal Minds or Bones.

She starts to feel better, even if she's still sad and angry, and she still doesn't quite know how to talk about her feelings. But she's getting there, and now she knows Eggsy will be there for her, on her good days and the bad ones. After she's recovered she's eager to have him in her bed again, and to her surprise she notices he feels much closer this time, since she doesn't need to wear her mask anymore.

THE END


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